HELPLINE: | "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" |
CUSTOMER: | "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go
anywhere!" |
HELPLINE: | "Is the gas tank empty?"
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CUSTOMER: | "Huh? How do I know?"
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HELPLINE: | "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a
needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?" |
CUSTOMER: | "I see an 'E' but no 'F'." |
HELPLINE: | "You see the 'E' and just to the right is the 'F'. |
CUSTOMER: | "No, just to the right of the first 'E' is a 'V'. |
HELPLINE: | "A 'V'?!?" |
CUSTOMER: | "Yeah, there's a 'C', an 'H', the first 'E', then 'V',
followed by 'R', 'O', 'L' ..." |
HELPLINE: | "No, no, no sir! That's the front of the car. When you
sit behind the steering wheel, that's the panel I'm talking about." |
CUSTOMER: | "That steering wheel thingy-- Is that the round thing
that honks the horn?" |
HELPLINE: | "Yes, among other things." |
CUSTOMER: | "The needle's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?" |
HELPLINE: | "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor and
purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay
the vendor to install it for you." |
CUSTOMER: | "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me
that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes
with everything built in!" |
HELPLINE: | "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" |
CUSTOMER: | "Your cars suck!" |
HELPLINE: | "What's wrong?" |
CUSTOMER: | "It crashed, that's what went wrong!" |
HELPLINE: | "What were you doing?" |
CUSTOMER: | "I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal
all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed
-- and now it won't even start up!" |
HELPLINE: | "I'm sorry, sir, but it's your responsibility if you
misuse the product." |
CUSTOMER: | "Misuse it? I was just following this damned manual of yours.
It said to make the car go to put the transmission in 'D' and press
the accelerator pedal. That's exactly what I did --now the
damn thing's crashed." |
HELPLINE: | "Did you read the entire operator's manual before
operating the car sir?" |
CUSTOMER: | "What? Of course I did! I told you I did EVERYTHING the
manual said and it didn't work!" |
HELPLINE: | "Didn't you attempt to slow down so you wouldn't crash?" |
CUSTOMER: | "How do you do THAT?" |
HELPLINE: | "You said you read the entire manual, sir. It's on page
14. The brake. The pedal next to the accelerator." |
CUSTOMER: | "Well, I don't have all day to sit around and read this
manual you know." |
HELPLINE: | "Of course not. What do you expect us to do about it?"
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CUSTOMER: | "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that
goes fast and won't crash anymore!" |