An annotated thermometer

Californians put on sweaters
(if they can find one in their wardrobe)
Miami residents turn on the heat
You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Minnesotans go swimming
Italian cars don't start
Water freezes
You plan your vacation to Australia
Minnesotans put on T-shirts
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
British cars don't start
Your boogers freeze
Boston water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming
You can hear your breath
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South
French cars don't start
You plan a vacation in Mexico
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
Too cold to ski
You need jumper cables to get the car going
You plan your vacation in Houston
American cars don't start
Alaskans put on T-shirts
Too cold to skate
German cars don't start
Eyes freeze shut when you blink
You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
Miami residents cease to exist
Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
Japanese cars don't start
Too cold to think
You need jumper cables to get the driver going
You plan a two week hot bath
The Mighty Monongahela freezes
Swedish cars don't start
Californians disappear
Minnesotans button top button
Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip South
Congressional hot air freeze
Alaskans close the bathroom window
Hell freezes over
Polar bears move south